User blog:Jonsey117/Machinima Script
Jonsey117 here. This blog is, like the title implies, is to get a little feedback on a machinima script that I am writing. When I'm going to actually start making this, I don't know. I guess the first part to making this would to actually get an X-Box. I just want to get some constructive criticism on this, just to see what others might think of it. Now before I start the script, here are the main characters: ---- (Scene begins in the desert of Sandbox. The scene first fades into the binocular view of Cpl. Issac Phillips as he stands behind a pile of debris. As he looks out into the distance, a sniper round races by his face, causing him to duck. As he pokes his head back out, more shots are fired, all missing as he ducks again.) Issac: That's just my luck. (Stands up and fires several BR rounds, ducks from another sniper round) I'm not putting up with this. (Turns on radio) Alex, I kind of need your help. Where the hell are you? Alex: (Over radio) I'll be right there, Einstein, just need to grab a few things. Issac: Well hurry it up, or I'm going to get hammered out here. (Turns off radio.) (Issac returns fire at the assailant. As he does this, Capt. Jason Harrelson walks up behind him and crouches next to Issac, unbeknownst to him) Jason: Might I ask what you are doing here, Corpral Phillips? Issac: (Startled) Jesus, sir. You scared the crap out of me. Jason: Like I just asked, what are you doing here? Issac: Oh, we're just doing a little training exercise. Jason: And you're doing so because? Issac: We just felt that we should be keeping up with our training. After all, we're in the military, right? Jason: True, but I thought I made it clear that you should tell me before yo-, wait. Did you say we? (As he says this, a Mongoose speeds in from behind) Then where is- (The Mongoose, carrying Cpl. Alexander Neeson, ramps the debris pile) -Corpral Neeson? (Offscreen, the Mongoose explodes, sending Alex flying over the debris pile. Alex stands back up and joins the others) Alex: Issac, I think I screwed that up. Issac: Yeah, you usually don't just charge headlong into battle. Jason: Corpral Phillips, Corpral Neeson, I think that you two should end this training session now. Alex: I don't see a reason to, Captain. Jason: You don't see a reason? How about all the equipment that you two broke during training last week? Issac: To be fair, that was more along the lines of Alex's fault than it was mine. Alex: I know that we broke a couple, well, many things last week, but I think that we should at least get to finish- (An explosion cuts him off.) (The trio stand up and watch as a black armored figure approaches them with a rocket launcher. They begin firing at it, but the figure has an overshield. As it closes in on them, it begins to shake and jitter.) Issac: What the-? (A large bright flash erupts and the sound of electronics powering down occurs as the scene fades into Foundry, revealing it to be a holo-room. Issac, Jason and Alex are now standing in the middle of the room, weaponless. They run over to a nearby table and pick up their actual weapons) Alex: Aw man, I didn't even get a real chance to kill that DarkSim. Issac: That was a DarkSim? I told you to make it NormalSim. That's exactly how this room wound up being busted last week. You overloaded the program. I didn't get the update patch to correctly run DarkSims yet. Jason: This isn't the same as last week. Something's different. Last week the entire system was acting erractic, spawning random Sims. I remember that you had to cut power to the room just to shut it down. Everything just shut down immediately here. Issac: If the room just shuts down, then that means the power must have gone out. (Fade to credits screen) Alex: (Voice) I'm just going to go on record as saying that I haven't played around with the electricity since that accident last month. ---- Like it? Have any constructive criticism for me? Leave a note in the comments below. Category:Blog posts